Mujuru cabal fingered in Mugabe's airport collapse - satire

Fired former VP Joyce Mujuru and her allies were behind the fall of President Robert Mugabe at Harare Airport yesterday, sources have confirmed.

Mugabe yesterday tripped over a poorly laid-out carpet at Harare International Airport, but managed to break the fall before walking to his car, evidently unscathed.

The shamed former VP and her colleagues have been linked to a company which manufactured and laid the carpet and the wooden stairs President Mugabe trod and fell from yesterday.

It is believed the substandard wooden stairs were designed to subside once the president reached the top of the stairs so that he could fall and be embarrased enhancing the regime change agenda as demand by the West.

A carpenter who made the stairs told The Messenger on condition of anonymity that MDC-T Leader Morgan Tsvangirai was also involved in the plan to embarass President Mugabe so that the whole world would say he is now old although evidence shows he is fitter than Yaya Toure and Theo Walcott combined.

The plan backfired spectacularly when President Mugabe instead of falling went on to show some silky Michael Jackson moves as he was about to fall as expected instead.

MDC-T Leader Tsvangirai is believed to have supplied the rotten timber used to make the staircase, whilst Dr Mujuru and her cabal hired the carpenter from Siyaso in Mbare.

Britain and her allies supplied weak nails and glue to make the substandard stairs to the podium. It is also believed fired Zanu PF secretary of Administration Cde Didymus Mutasa then poured Gamatox on the weak completed structure to further weaken it hoping for maximum damage to the President.

Meanwhile war Veterans leader Cde Chris Mutsvangwa has hailed the president as a hero for surviving this clear assasination attempt.

Information, Media and Broadcasting Services Minister Prof Jonathan Moyo who witnessed the incident first hand said the real news lay in the misrepresentation of the incident by malcontents in the media.

"The misrepresentations and morbid celebrations of the incident by malcontents is the real news here and not the alleged fall as there was none.

"What happened is that the President tripped over a hump on the carpet on one of the steps of the dais as he was stepping down from the platform but he remarkably managed to break the fall on his own. I repeat that the President managed to break the fall.

"Nobody has shown any evidence of the President having fallen down because that did not happen. The hump on which the President tripped was formed by two pieces of the carpet which apparently had not been laid out properly where they joined. And to be honest with you, even Jesus, let alone you, would have also tripped in that kind of situation. In the circumstances, there's really nothing to write home about the nonsensical celebrations by malcontents who are imagining a fall that never was since it was actually broken by the President himself," he said.