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This and that with Mal'phosa: Ngayende ngabude! What?
Malema is very crafty, just like that red fox, neh? He has outsmarted everyone this time around. He can hide behind load shedding, rise in crime, Phalaphalagate etc as reasons he wants Ramaphosa gone....Published: 26 Mar 2023 at 20:34hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Kaboom Sandton, Kaboom!
Yesterday, October 29, there were speculations about a terrorist attack in Sandton. The warning, it was reported, was given by the USA embassy in South Africa. This was my chance to witness a terroris...Published: 21 Nov 2022 at 09:28hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa: No, South Africa can never be another Zimbabwe
Finally, load 'shredding' is over, for now. Well, my workmate calls it so. She is a modern day Malaprop and does not care whether words she uses are appropriate or not. 'This morning poli...Published: 13 Oct 2022 at 13:46hrs | 8 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: The endangered species
I have a feeling the Ndebele language is endangered - and we, the custodians of the language by right of being senior citizens - are not helping the situation in any way. How would you feel if you wer...Published: 22 Aug 2022 at 11:04hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: Int'yenzayo, Aaron Motsoaledi siyayizonda!
There was a demonstration yesterday in Hilbrow - Zimbabweans of all tribes, colour and creed coming together to plead with the Home office to please extend their permits. Well, you might not have hear...Published: 14 Aug 2022 at 15:04hrs | 11 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Yes No, maybe
Hey boys, how does it feel to have a girl say 'Yes' now and then 'No' after a day or two or after week? Remember how devastating it was or it is? I can think of three of my friends abazi hilelayo beca...Published: 22 Jan 2017 at 11:10hrs | 1 | by Clerk ndlovu
This and that with Mal,phosa - Home or Foreign Affairs?
We have been in this queue for the past two hours and the night seems to be forever. I can feel the unbearable pressure from the call of nature but I, and no one, dare wonder away from the safety of t...Published: 04 Dec 2016 at 14:12hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with M'lphosa: Football gone to the sissies?
Mankind has enjoyed ball games, especially football – which is considered a sport for the poor until one sits down and analyses the figures – for over two thousand years. Football especially h...Published: 30 Oct 2016 at 12:57hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - How The Mighty Have Fallen
A friend sent me a picture of the once untouchable, formidable and all too powerful former speaker of parliament and former Zanu secretary for administration, and former Member of parliament fo...Published: 23 Oct 2016 at 12:58hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Back From Heaven
Have you heard? It's a crime to call one pastor's name in Zimbabwe, that pastor who went to heaven and took photos and came back to earth within hours. Well, they say his name yinhlamba enkulu but no ...Published: 10 Apr 2016 at 17:19hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - All Patriots, stand up!
What a game yesterday between two giants of football, Chicken Inn and Sundowns! It kept every lover of the game on the edge of their seats from start to finish. The attacking flair, the aggression, th...Published: 29 Feb 2016 at 06:58hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Long live the love letter
Four ‘love' letters still stand out prominently from among the many I am lucky to have seen and read. Of course, one was written by me and it made me the laughing stock of the whole class if not the...Published: 14 Feb 2016 at 14:12hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa: Complications of the Season
Happy birthday Jesus; and Complications of the season, everybody. What is there to compliment in such a dreary and depressing year! Southern Africa is experiencing a drought that has made weather repo...Published: 03 Jan 2016 at 11:31hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Take a leaf from Zuma
The unfortunate anarchy which has resulted in the butchery of citizens in Bujumbura brings forth a few pertinent questions which all high-light the monumental failure of the regional groupings like th...Published: 27 Dec 2015 at 14:09hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - You fired, god!
If the Greek lord of the sky and rain had been a real person with a job and family to support, he'd have found himself searching for another job and being disowned because of negligence and ineptitude...Published: 15 Nov 2015 at 18:01hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa - Making ends meet, the Goli way
It has become so hard for most of those in the Diaspora to make ends meet, especially in South Africa. And when one phones home they'd just be praying they will be told sekungcono, they can now come b...Published: 08 Nov 2015 at 18:39hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa - Ngubani obethela umuzi
My friend went home recently and received the shock of his life. His home looked strange - just three months after he went to work in Botswana. The curtains would not have caught his attention had it ...Published: 31 Oct 2015 at 14:40hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa - The Xeno at the Hospital
Last Thursday night I was at Johannesburg Hospital with a friend when a couple with an obviously ill baby arrived in an ambulance. They were in obvious panic as the baby fitted and groaned continuousl...Published: 25 May 2015 at 07:25hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Happy birthday, Zimbabwe
Happy birthday, Zimbabwe. You were born out so much blood, as if from some inevitable and necessary Caesarian section. And like old dark, ominous, stinking blood clots from a Caesarian section, yo...Published: 19 Apr 2015 at 14:59hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu
The Zulu King has spoken, what does Chief Gumede think?
The Zulu king has spoken; all foreigners must be sent back where they came from - express. South Africans cannot be seen to be competing with foreigners for space and economic opportunities. Unfortun...Published: 29 Mar 2015 at 14:49hrs | | by This n that with Maluphosa - Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa - Live from Joburg
'Ngiya enkunini.' This was a very common and probably liked status when we grew up and began to know adult things. Other very common ones were 'Umama kekho,' 'Ssiya esigayweni,' or 'Kulabantu bemzini....Published: 09 Mar 2015 at 12:34hrs | 1 | by Maluphosa
'Locks and Knives in Yeoville,' dissecting how Zim woman's thighs became a trap
For the first time in the seven years that I have worked here, I am the most important person. What with all these antics Zimbabweans have been performing; antics that have sent local sangomas demandi...Published: 01 Mar 2015 at 16:22hrs | 13 | by This n That with Maluphosa
This and that with Mal'phosa - Zero Percent? Serious?
The verdict is out; Mthwakazians are second best, academically, that is if the recent grade Seven and Ordinary Level results are anything to go by. Well, since independence, the lowest grades in all...Published: 15 Feb 2015 at 19:12hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
'The verdict is out; Mthwakazians are second best'
The verdict is out; Mthwakazians are second best, academically, that is if the recent grade Seven and Ordinary Level results are anything to go by. Well, since independence, the lowest grades in al...Published: 15 Feb 2015 at 17:52hrs | | by This and that with Maluphosa
This and that with Mal'phosa - Galo-Yephuka!
My grandfather wrestled my grandmother's love from her heart via 'galo-yephuka'. This is nothing like a gun to your head, a knife to your throat or a spear to your heart but the panic is just like th...Published: 18 Jan 2015 at 11:30hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Am A Dude!
There was a wedding that never was this weekend at someKasi east of Jo'burg. The 'lady' suddenly developed cold feet at the pulpit. She could not open her mouth to say the '- - for better for worse&nb...Published: 11 Jan 2015 at 17:23hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - And seven more came tumbling after
The Granami just drowned seven more non-believers. It is like a road-traffic carnage during the festive season. And there is a fear that more, less equal comrades are definitely going to follow. T...Published: 26 Dec 2014 at 11:07hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Those that fell from Grace
Well it's a done deal now and all the speculations are over. The sell-outs-cum-coup plotters-cum-would-be murderers-cum-treason mongers-cum plotters against the sacred throne have been spat out. I...Published: 21 Dec 2014 at 12:34hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Christmas; Is it still Ho Ho Ho?
Anyone who still believes in those big old men with long, white beard, red work-suits, and over-sized gum-boots who appear on TV at this time of the years every year, going 'Ho Ho Ho, it's Christm...Published: 07 Dec 2014 at 11:37hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Rise If Possible, Tshelanyemba!
Another white elephant has been born. Well, it's nothing new here. Many have been born before it, and it's no use now asking why. Think of the Matabeleland Zambezi water project, Gwayi Shangaan dam an...Published: 02 Nov 2014 at 09:39hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa: Ayihlome, Beula-Seula!
'Hloma nge condom' is a phrase which greeted many that came to Sanale clinic when I worked there. Of course, I had put it there as my contribution towards conscientising the community about HIV/Aids. ...Published: 03 Aug 2014 at 09:21hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Izali Beula i-Sewula
A wise man one said a doctor's mistake is buried under ground while a teacher's mistake roams the streets. Having experienced both worlds as a health worker and a teacher, I would say the teacher ...Published: 27 Jul 2014 at 18:38hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - The reluctant Matabele King
It was reported midweek that chiefs will be given 'more powers'. Well, it is simply about giving the chiefs land that was grabbed from the white tribe. And unnamed members of government were warn...Published: 13 Jul 2014 at 17:38hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Khumbul'ekhaya
When it's time, it's time. Locally they say 'Ke nako - yisikhathi!' Well, that time is fast approaching when ungrateful South Africans will be spitting out all foreigners out of their country. I guess...Published: 29 Jun 2014 at 15:13hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Not necessarily a prophet
Picture this: a visibly pregnant woman, almost term, sits on a cansi in front of a very hysterical man who is obviously in some 'trance' – saying a lot of indecipherable speech. He is so emotion...Published: 16 Jun 2014 at 13:15hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Not necessarily politics
The new president of the Republic of South Africa was finally sworn in last weekend. The Chief Justice asked the President to sign a certificate, something of a pledge, while placing his hand on the B...Published: 01 Jun 2014 at 12:52hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Proud to be black
What is the connection between the following terms; ilahle, Lobengula, nswintila, gutsi? These have been used to define the darkest blacks in our societies. These are terms also used to insult thos...Published: 17 May 2014 at 16:14hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Ngeyethu!
Well, the verdict is out. The people of South Africa like Nkandla. The Nkandla that their President Jacob built. In his final rally at the FNB stadium, some say he was shouting "Nkandla!" and the mult...Published: 11 May 2014 at 17:02hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Mal'phosa - A beginner's definition of political terms
A teacher friend of mine sent me this test outcome which was written by one of his Form Three pupils. Like Mtasa asked one day at a rally in Mahole, Filabusi; 'Botitsha, abantwana libafundisani?'...Published: 07 May 2014 at 15:10hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Hail The King
The other day at the Methodist Church, la okuhlala abazawethu khona laba abeMpumalanga, I over-heard two of the dwellers arguing; "Yes, it must be the twelfth official language. This 'Panemunhu' joke...Published: 28 Apr 2014 at 20:55hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and That with Mal'phosa - Fat Albert for Matabele King
The whole furore about the anointment of the king of the Matabele is very interesting. Here is a guy who saw a niche and manipulated it from the onset - and all of us the cowardly and jealous lot cry ...Published: 24 Mar 2014 at 15:50hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
Amacimbi vs frog's legs
I AM thinking of the frog's legs I wrote about some weeks back which I discovered in a Chinese supermarket, and then the reaction of this lady from Indonesia I am attending college with when I showed ...Published: 27 Oct 2013 at 06:24hrs | | by Christopher Mlalazi Lighterside
This n that with Mal'phosa:- Who died - part 2
"You will be helping police with investigations." "What? how, why. I stutter in disbelief. "Because ndiwe waka ona munhu uyu kokupedzisira." "No, i mean yes but asimi ndakampedzisera." Lik...Published: 25 Oct 2013 at 14:56hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
Who Died?
I saw him just before he died. His trachea was hacked open with an Okapi, and it gape...Published: 06 Oct 2013 at 10:33hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa: Wot the scarabs!
The scarabs are in town. I am not talking about those brittle dung -ball rollers whose job is to clean the surrounding of all that is animal waste no. I am talking about those two legged belligerent o...Published: 17 Sep 2013 at 13:17hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Check Your Balance, Tshangarayi
This week, President told all those who cannot stomach defeat in the recently held elections to 'go hang'. No need to mention names; the word President here is the first name of a certain individual. ...Published: 14 Aug 2013 at 17:08hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Inter-tribal Marriages
As we queued patiently and let abantu bemzini vote ahead because they 'had come from afar', izakhamizi in front of us began an interesting argument. 'Ngokungo yere-yere! Ishit zabantu lezi.' 'Ye, abaf...Published: 28 Jul 2013 at 10:29hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Rally at Madlodlo
The rally at Madlodlo was brief but very life changing - like that short moment esiguqweni, which is supposed to divert you life of misery, sin and want to joyful life-everlasting! This is where we cu...Published: 15 Jun 2013 at 15:23hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Emadlodlo 22
The two race horses are still literally sweating it out 45 minutes later. Phela ingoma zabazawethu are close to a hundred kilometres long each. One of them has taken off his tattered and torn shirt,...Published: 09 Jun 2013 at 07:15hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - eMadlodlo
Just before the 1995 election we visited Madlodlo Beer Garden with Godlwayo. We knew Madlodlo before we had a chance to go to town. Ubhudi omdala used to come home and tell us about eMadlodlo 22! We...Published: 03 May 2013 at 22:33hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
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