Lobola and the preserving the sanctity of marriage

For generations, marriage in Zimbabwe has been more than the union of two individuals; it has served as a bond linking families, clans, and communities. Central to this union is lobola, a cultural practice rich in tradition, respect, and accountability. Yet, today there is growing concern that the erosion of these practices is contributing to the decline of marriages.

Vuyo Mpofu-Nyandeni, chairperson of the Queen Loziba Thebe Foundation Trust, believes that many modern marriages collapse because couples are skipping or altering essential lobola procedures. Speaking during the Queen Loziba Day commemorations held on September 13 in Emhlangeni, Inyathi, Matabeleland North, he urged society to "go back to basics."

Queen Loziba, the beloved wife of King Mzilikazi, founder of the Ndebele nation, is remembered not only for her role in the royal household but also for the traditions and values her life symbolised. She and Mzilikazi had a daughter, Lobitshi, who married Prince Linganisa. To formalise the union, Prince Linganisa paid a bride price of 100 cows to King Mzilikazi—a symbolic act demonstrating respect and uniting the two families.

Nyandeni explained that lobola is not about "buying a wife" but about gratitude, respect, and building alliances. Traditionally, it unified the households of the bride and groom, provided a framework for accountability, and offered families a structure to resolve marital challenges such as infidelity or infertility. These processes made marriages resilient, unlike today, where many unions end abruptly due to a lack of such checks and balances.

The lobola process historically involved multiple stages, each with symbolic significance. Ukungena ekhaya (opening the path for negotiations), Isivula mlomo (allowing speech), and Ukwaziwa/angazawe (introducing and confirming the groom) culminated in negotiating the bride price. Elders and family representatives determined the appropriate number of cattle or monetary equivalent. These procedures built trust between families and helped marriages withstand challenges.

Nyandeni noted that modern couples often bypass these essential steps, driven by peer pressure, social media trends, or the desire to display status. He criticised the rise of "lobola squads," where friends accompany the couple to negotiations, turning what should be a sacred family ceremony into a public spectacle. "Friends invited to negotiations sometimes harbour envy. Their involvement can rob the couple of blessings, weakening the marriage from the start," he warned.

The solution, Nyandeni argues, lies in reviving cultural values and ensuring parents guide their children in preparing for marriage. The Queen Loziba Thebe Foundation uses annual commemorations to engage young men and women, instilling discipline, respect, and responsibility. Young women are taught to value themselves, abstain before marriage, and carry themselves with dignity, while young men are reminded of their roles as protectors and providers.

For Nyandeni and the foundation, respecting lobola procedures is not merely about preserving a cultural ritual—it is about safeguarding the future of marriage itself. By returning to these foundational principles, society can rediscover marriage as a lifelong covenant, blessed by families and communities, rather than a fleeting partnership.