Zimbabweans left waiting as doomsday rapture fails to materialize

Bulawayo woke on September 24 to a familiar, decidedly earthly scene: hooting kombis, unpredictable ZESA power cuts, and the lone plastic bag trapped in a tree. The dramatic end-of-the-world scenario predicted by South African pastor Joshua Mhlakela on September 23-24 failed to materialize.

Pastor Mhlakela had boldly claimed that God's heavenly taxi service would arrive to collect Christians, whisking them to paradise while leaving the rest behind. His prophecy went viral under the hashtag #RaptureTok, sparking panic and a flood of TikTok videos.

Some believers acted on the prophecy with remarkable enthusiasm. A Belmont factory worker reportedly quit mid-shift, proclaiming he was heading to heaven. In Cowdray Park, one man sold his car for a pittance, bragging that he no longer needed a chariot. Content creators joined the frenzy with skits featuring "end of the world" clearance sales.

But when midnight passed, the skies remained silent. No angels, no parting clouds - just the usual city chaos. Social media quickly filled with jokes: "Maybe Pastor Mhlakela got stuck at Beitbridge," one resident quipped. Another asked, "Is Heaven using Zupco buses? Because mine didn't arrive."

By morning, reality hit hard. Bills remained unpaid, borehole queues grew longer, and the "last supper" feasts of the overeager were gone, leaving empty pockets. An HR manager said, "Three of my employees threatened to quit, claiming they were answering God's final call. They're still here. Heaven may forgive, but payroll doesn't."

NASA even issued a statement confirming that Earth was fine, while humans appeared to be "malfunctioning." The failed prophecy joins a long list of doomsday flops, from the Mayan apocalypse of 2012 to Harold Camping in 2011, and echoes the 1840s Millerite "Great Disappointment."

Nkulumane resident summed it up: "I stayed up all night waiting for fire and brimstone. The only thing that rained was my neighbour's borehole water splashing onto my veranda."

Pastor Mhlakela has since gone quiet, reportedly spotted checking into a hotel with strong Wi-Fi and a buffet breakfast. Meanwhile, wise believers are reminded of Matthew 24:36: "No one knows the day or the hour - not even the angels in Heaven."

For now, life in Bulawayo continues as usual - kombis honking, ZESA cutting, and residents pondering whether heaven's gates are still locked.