Navigating cross-gender friendships in Zimbabwe

For Tracy, the discovery of intimate late-night messages between her husband, Tinashe, and his "Bestie" Chipo shattered her world. The two shared secrets, dreams, and vulnerabilities that Tracy had longed for from her husband. "He told me it was just friendship," she whispered through tears, "but the way he looked at her, the way he confided in her… it was more than that. I felt like a stranger in my own home." The revelation ended their five-year marriage abruptly.

Similarly, in October 2024, Gift Kaaraidze of Mutasa found his wife living as a second wife with her so-called "best friend," after absconding with his savings during his job loss. The betrayal, marked by both financial deceit and romantic infidelity, dissolved his nine-year marriage and brought the matter to Chief Mutasa's community court.

These stories reflect a growing phenomenon in Zimbabwe: the complex and often blurred lines between platonic and romantic intimacy in opposite-sex friendships, commonly termed "Besties." A 2000 study by psychologists April Bleske-Rechek and David Buss found that a significant proportion of men and women in close opposite-sex friendships experience sexual attraction, with some reporting sexual encounters. The study highlights the ambiguity in boundaries that can exist even in seemingly innocent friendships.

While "Besties" began as a teen-centric trend, it has matured into adulthood, influencing workplace relationships, social media dynamics, and even sacred spaces. Public figures are often under scrutiny; the onscreen chemistry between sungura artist Peter Moyo and socialite Lorraine Guyo, for instance, fuels speculation despite their insistence that their relationship is strictly professional. Similarly, the close bond between social media personalities Allen Tafadzwa Simango (Allen Skits) and Yahya GoodVibes (Mitchel Mutongwizo) sparks public intrigue, even as they avoid discussing it.

Within religious spaces, friendships can unexpectedly evolve into romantic relationships. A Methodist Church couple recounted that their sibling-like bond at church eventually blossomed into love, demonstrating that emotional intimacy can shift boundaries even in morally guided environments.

The "Bestie" dynamic is characterised by deep emotional connections, near-constant communication, shared activities, and physical affection, which can create tension in primary romantic relationships. Sociologist Dr Rutendo Moyo notes that these friendships often provide emotional validation lacking in a primary relationship, making boundaries difficult to maintain. Emotional affairs, even without physical contact, can profoundly hurt partners, often rationalised as "just comfort" or "not cheating."

Cultural perspectives add another layer of complexity. Veteran social commentator Rebecca Chisamba highlights that traditional Zimbabwean norms consider deep emotional connections outside one's romantic partner as immoral, while poet Tatenda Chinoda likens the intimacy cultivated in cross-gender friendships to a human phenomenon of "chiramu" at another level.

Yet, not all "Bestie" relationships lead to betrayal. Takudzwa Chibaya, 24, emphasises that his long-standing friendship has strengthened, rather than undermined, his romantic relationships, demonstrating that boundaries, respect, and partner awareness are critical.

Family therapist Mrs Nyasha Dube advises that open communication, setting clear physical and emotional boundaries, and professional guidance are key to maintaining healthy cross-gender friendships. Relationship counsellor Mr Tawanda Ruzivo agrees, noting that men and women can indeed be "just friends," but it requires maturity, self-awareness, and respect for boundaries.

As Zimbabwe navigates evolving social dynamics, the challenge lies in balancing the benefits of meaningful friendships with the sanctity of romantic relationships and the well-being of families. The rise of "Besties" reflects shifting norms, highlighting the need for awareness, dialogue, and intentional boundary-setting to safeguard both emotional intimacy and societal values.