Masvingo men sacrificing life for love matters

MASVINGO - Despite the fact that no official Police confirmation on the actual suicide figures for comparison could be obtained, Masvingo seems to top all provinces on violent suicides after failed affairs. The recent case of a police officer based at Masvingo Rural who hanged himself in Mvuma a couple of months ago is another mind boggling matter. Writes Garikai Mafirakureva.

Masvingo police officer being removed from a tree that ended his life

Constable Marapira hanged himself almost over 100 kilometres from Masvingo, after an alleged misunderstanding with his girlfriend Claris Sagiya, a then student at Morgenster Teachers College.   Men appear to be failing to handle failed love affairs in Masvingo and resort to suicide.

The list of men committing suicide after being dumped by their lovers or wives is souring every year.

Methias Chokuda who was a tout at Chivi Growth Point committed suicide after he suspected that his wife Esther Mudambanebanga was having an affair with a local Police officer.

Hardly a week later, a sombre atmosphere gripped the same Growth Point when tragedy struck again as a prison guard, Livingstone  Matyakureva, stationed at the same place committed suicide by hanging after a misunderstanding with his girlfriend Tendai Vakisayi over her pregnancy.

A polygamous Mucheke man who has been staying in South Africa came back to Masvingo to find his third wife whom he has a child with madly in love with another man.

He tried to persuade her to leave the man but she told him she was no longer interested in the relationship since she was madly in love with another man.

Stephen Mbirikira could not stomach the snub, and hanged himself at his in-laws' house.  There are over a dozen other cases.

A recent research by Black Dog Institute Centre of Research Excellence in Suicide Prevention in the USA revealed that a lot of men have been hurt by women in the past and carry psychological damage and unresolved anger into their new relationships.

Consequently, these problems prevent them from forming healthy relationships and drive the women in their lives out of the door.

Most men are reported to be broken-hearted because each and every one of them's ex was a piece of work, if one has to put it nicely. They haven't gotten over the fact that they broke their hearts and they hold what they did against every other woman they date in subtle ways.

It further revealed that most men are afraid of believing that things can actually be good, despite having all the urges to be in a normal, healthy relationship, as everything in the past has made them believe this isn't possible, leading them to hold back on emotions and relive painful events from the past in ways that negatively affect their present relationships.

In its findings it went on to say men are extremely angry at women and blame them for all of their problems and unfairly label all women as "cheaters", "liars" and "skanks" without realizing that it is their own willingness to compromise along with making poor choices in women in the past that has led to such labelling.

The study also revealed common risk factors and a common pathway leading to suicidal behaviour and says awareness of this pattern is important because it provides a guide for when and how to interrupt suicidal behaviour, and what warning signs may look like.

Four traits or experiences are said to be common among suicidal men that include depression or disturbed mood, beliefs and personal values with strong emphasis on masculinity and stoicism, stressful life events and a tendency to withdraw, or avoid problems, in order to cope.

When these four features interacted and got worse over time, this increased the risk of suicide, and creating various barriers to treatment or intervention. For example, men reported that having ‘masculine' beliefs often meant they didn't accept feelings or ask for help.

Therefore, when stressful events happened, men withdrew or attempted to numb themselves with alcohol or drugs. This avoidance and isolation tend not to improve problems but make them worse, pushing men further along the path towards suicide. Depression and stress interact creating a downward spiral in mood and activity.

Over time, suffering leads men to have suicidal thoughts. Finally, men ‘hit bottom' and become hopeless. At this point they may attempt suicide.

According to the study men may show warning signs to family or friends, which can provide clues as to what stage of suicide men are in, as well as clues for the best way to intervene. Warning signs therefore act as a useful guide for how to interrupt the path towards suicide.