Opinion / Columnist
Will continue doing my work, Cdes
26 Mar 2015 at 08:00hrs | Views
CABINET FILES AND CZ's NOTEBOOK
Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members
COMRADES, as you are all aware, I am away on a State visit to the brotherly republic of Algeria… after which I will be proceeding to Ethiopia for important African Union business.It has been quite a hectic fortnight for me… and that is what it means to be an important somebody.
I notice that there has been increasing howls of protests from my dedicated detractors who are sardonically saying I am now a visiting President, blah, blah.
This is always expected from these people.
They are the opposition and it is naturally their business to oppose anything that I do, so I would have been surprised if they had not behaved like that.
The truth of the matter is that I am not a globe-trotting leader… I am just doing my job as the President of Zimbabwe and the chairman of both the African Union and the Southern African Development Community.
If there is anyone who does globe trotting, it is none other than Morgan… he is always on the plane going from one western capital to the other on those barren missions that his supporters call "diplomatic offensive"… whatever that is suppose to mean.
How come I did not hear anyone saying anything like this when Morgan would spend half of his time during the inclusive government in the sky … with bloated delegations largely made up of women shuttling from one capital to another?
Anyway, I don't care what these people say about me. All I am happy and satisfied about is that I am doing my job.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
… AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK
Finally
We are relieved that reality is finally dawning on the powers-that-be that most of the beneficiaries of the land reform programme are not farmers. If what was said at the weekend is anything to go by, after 15 years of hope, the conclusion to be made is that having taken a donkey to the watering hole, you cannot then force it to drink water… the people on whom farms were foisted are not interested in getting dirty on the land. Like President Mugabe pointed out most of the beneficiaries of the large A2 farms are literally producing nothing. Sadly, these are the same people who the government gave expensive farming implements. Well, about the threat to repossess the farms from these people, one wonders who the land will be given to because the truth is that a preponderating majority of Zimbabweans simply do not wish to be farmers.
Sadly our former white commercial farmers have happily found a new home in Zambia, Mozambique, Nigeria and other countries that have been giving land to people who are passionate about farming.
Good
Dr CZ was never a soccer fan so he is not one of those who are angry that Zimbabwe has been barred from the FIFA Soccer Word Cup that will be taking place in Russia in 2018. FIFA had to take this drastic measure after the Zimbabwe Football Association (ZIFA) failed (or is it refused?) to pay former Warriors coach, a Brazilian nicknamed Valinhos nearly US$70 000 he is owed in outstanding salaries. We are made to believe that this case has opened floodgates against ZIFA as several other coaches who were also not paid by the soccer mother body have been queuing up.
If anything, Dr CZ is so pleased with the development… this ban should give us time to focus on things that are life-enhancing. If soccer cannot pay for itself, why should it be an extra cost to a government that is already burdened with other pressing issues?
There is no need for government to take over ZIFA's burden. ZIFA should just close shop until such a time when the current generation of leadership is nowhere near 53 Livingstone Avenue.
Freedom
One thing Dr CZ loves about politics is that it is one discipline that gives people the freedom of speech to the hilt. Politicians are a species that is more than free to say whatever they want without anyone following them up to account.
Opposition MDC politicians are becoming very good at this. In the run-up to the July 2013 harmonised elections, then MDC-T secretary for youth, Solomon Madzore, told party followers that if Robert Mugabe beat Morgan Tsvangirai, he would give him (Mugabe) his (Madzore) wife. No one bothered to follow up on this threat!
When the tug-of-war started between the Tsvangirai and Biti factions of the MDC, and there were attempts and counter-attempts to fix each other by recalling legislators from Parliament, this is what Biti told a rally of 38 people in Masvingo in April last year: "Our former friends under Morgan Tsvangirai have threatened that they will recall MPs; I want to say to them bring it on. That (law) is my area of specialty. I will change my name to Morgan Mugabe if Tsvangirai can get one councillor recalled." Now that MPs from Biti's faction have been kicked out of Parliament, maybe it is high time Dr CZ tries to locate a certain law firm answering to the name Morgan Mugabe Law somewhere in Milton Park.
Not to be outdone, on-off MDC member, the unhinged Job Sikhala last week swore that his party will not be taking part in the upcoming by-elections… and if it does, he will quit politics. Politics being his lifeblood, we wonder what the brother will still have to live for!
Resourceful
If there is anything that Zimbos love, it is money, wealth if we can put it that way… which is more or less the same. To an ordinary Zimbo, money and wealth is what life is all about.
That explains it when those Pentecostal churches, like the one that Dr CZ will be unleashing very soon, are always overwhelmed. It's not about the hereafter more than it is about the here-now. Zimbos just want to be very rich, and be very rich quickly…so anything that promises them a quick buck - no matter how bizarre, de-humanising or harebrained, they will give it a go. That is the reason why seemingly normal adults join politics or anything that can just help them jump over that one and last obstacle to the everlasting glory of richness.
And thankfully these Zimbos we are talking about believe whole-heartedly what they are busying themselves about. And luckily they also already have a name for these free things: Blessing! It sounds like the beginning and the end of the world.
Because there are just too many people who are looking for free things, criminals are spoilt for choice as to the choice of victims.
Last year, some criminals, using Zanu-PF's name, told farmers that they were going to avail farming inputs to them… all the unsuspecting farmers needed to do was pay just over US$300 each. This amount, they were told, would cover administrative, insurance and transport costs blah, blah. Before the witty chaps had finished their announcement, there were already winding queues at banks where the farmers were stampeding to deposit the payment. With hundreds of thousands in the back pocket, the brainy brothers simply closed their office and disappeared, leaving the farmers howling!
Then there is this other fellow who knows how to harness the mobile money system. He registers phone lines in the name of prominent people like Dr CZ or those of politicians. Then he phones his victims telling them that they have been selected to receive farming inputs, so for the inputs to be delivered, all they need is to send say US$50 via the mobile money system to that number. When the victims send the money, the name of the prominent person will be confirmed as the recipient, and they will never suspect anything, until several weeks later when it would be too late. This way, a few hundred victims will leave their wallet fattened.
Now listen to this one:
Herbert bought a donkey from Bongani for US$100 and asked him to deliver it the next day. The next day Bongani showed up on Herbert's place. "Sorry Herbert," he said looking really sad, "the donkey died last night."
"Okay," said Herbert, "then just give me back my money."
"Sorry, I'd already spent it," Bongani pleaded.
"Damn it! Well, okay then, bring me the dead donkey!" said Herbert.
Later that day, the carcass of the donkey was offloaded at Herbert's house.
A fortnight later, Bongani bumped into Herbert and out of curiosity, asked him what he had done with the dead donkey.
"Oh, I raffled it," Herbert said. "I sold 251 tickets at US$5 each and made a clean profit of US$1 150! I just made sure I did not tell them the donkey was dead."
"But didn't the people complain?" asked Bongani in amazement.
"Well, only the chap who won," said Herbert, "so I gave him his US$5 back."
cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk
Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members
COMRADES, as you are all aware, I am away on a State visit to the brotherly republic of Algeria… after which I will be proceeding to Ethiopia for important African Union business.It has been quite a hectic fortnight for me… and that is what it means to be an important somebody.
I notice that there has been increasing howls of protests from my dedicated detractors who are sardonically saying I am now a visiting President, blah, blah.
This is always expected from these people.
They are the opposition and it is naturally their business to oppose anything that I do, so I would have been surprised if they had not behaved like that.
The truth of the matter is that I am not a globe-trotting leader… I am just doing my job as the President of Zimbabwe and the chairman of both the African Union and the Southern African Development Community.
If there is anyone who does globe trotting, it is none other than Morgan… he is always on the plane going from one western capital to the other on those barren missions that his supporters call "diplomatic offensive"… whatever that is suppose to mean.
How come I did not hear anyone saying anything like this when Morgan would spend half of his time during the inclusive government in the sky … with bloated delegations largely made up of women shuttling from one capital to another?
Anyway, I don't care what these people say about me. All I am happy and satisfied about is that I am doing my job.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
… AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK
Finally
We are relieved that reality is finally dawning on the powers-that-be that most of the beneficiaries of the land reform programme are not farmers. If what was said at the weekend is anything to go by, after 15 years of hope, the conclusion to be made is that having taken a donkey to the watering hole, you cannot then force it to drink water… the people on whom farms were foisted are not interested in getting dirty on the land. Like President Mugabe pointed out most of the beneficiaries of the large A2 farms are literally producing nothing. Sadly, these are the same people who the government gave expensive farming implements. Well, about the threat to repossess the farms from these people, one wonders who the land will be given to because the truth is that a preponderating majority of Zimbabweans simply do not wish to be farmers.
Sadly our former white commercial farmers have happily found a new home in Zambia, Mozambique, Nigeria and other countries that have been giving land to people who are passionate about farming.
Good
Dr CZ was never a soccer fan so he is not one of those who are angry that Zimbabwe has been barred from the FIFA Soccer Word Cup that will be taking place in Russia in 2018. FIFA had to take this drastic measure after the Zimbabwe Football Association (ZIFA) failed (or is it refused?) to pay former Warriors coach, a Brazilian nicknamed Valinhos nearly US$70 000 he is owed in outstanding salaries. We are made to believe that this case has opened floodgates against ZIFA as several other coaches who were also not paid by the soccer mother body have been queuing up.
If anything, Dr CZ is so pleased with the development… this ban should give us time to focus on things that are life-enhancing. If soccer cannot pay for itself, why should it be an extra cost to a government that is already burdened with other pressing issues?
There is no need for government to take over ZIFA's burden. ZIFA should just close shop until such a time when the current generation of leadership is nowhere near 53 Livingstone Avenue.
Freedom
One thing Dr CZ loves about politics is that it is one discipline that gives people the freedom of speech to the hilt. Politicians are a species that is more than free to say whatever they want without anyone following them up to account.
Opposition MDC politicians are becoming very good at this. In the run-up to the July 2013 harmonised elections, then MDC-T secretary for youth, Solomon Madzore, told party followers that if Robert Mugabe beat Morgan Tsvangirai, he would give him (Mugabe) his (Madzore) wife. No one bothered to follow up on this threat!
When the tug-of-war started between the Tsvangirai and Biti factions of the MDC, and there were attempts and counter-attempts to fix each other by recalling legislators from Parliament, this is what Biti told a rally of 38 people in Masvingo in April last year: "Our former friends under Morgan Tsvangirai have threatened that they will recall MPs; I want to say to them bring it on. That (law) is my area of specialty. I will change my name to Morgan Mugabe if Tsvangirai can get one councillor recalled." Now that MPs from Biti's faction have been kicked out of Parliament, maybe it is high time Dr CZ tries to locate a certain law firm answering to the name Morgan Mugabe Law somewhere in Milton Park.
Not to be outdone, on-off MDC member, the unhinged Job Sikhala last week swore that his party will not be taking part in the upcoming by-elections… and if it does, he will quit politics. Politics being his lifeblood, we wonder what the brother will still have to live for!
Resourceful
If there is anything that Zimbos love, it is money, wealth if we can put it that way… which is more or less the same. To an ordinary Zimbo, money and wealth is what life is all about.
That explains it when those Pentecostal churches, like the one that Dr CZ will be unleashing very soon, are always overwhelmed. It's not about the hereafter more than it is about the here-now. Zimbos just want to be very rich, and be very rich quickly…so anything that promises them a quick buck - no matter how bizarre, de-humanising or harebrained, they will give it a go. That is the reason why seemingly normal adults join politics or anything that can just help them jump over that one and last obstacle to the everlasting glory of richness.
And thankfully these Zimbos we are talking about believe whole-heartedly what they are busying themselves about. And luckily they also already have a name for these free things: Blessing! It sounds like the beginning and the end of the world.
Because there are just too many people who are looking for free things, criminals are spoilt for choice as to the choice of victims.
Last year, some criminals, using Zanu-PF's name, told farmers that they were going to avail farming inputs to them… all the unsuspecting farmers needed to do was pay just over US$300 each. This amount, they were told, would cover administrative, insurance and transport costs blah, blah. Before the witty chaps had finished their announcement, there were already winding queues at banks where the farmers were stampeding to deposit the payment. With hundreds of thousands in the back pocket, the brainy brothers simply closed their office and disappeared, leaving the farmers howling!
Then there is this other fellow who knows how to harness the mobile money system. He registers phone lines in the name of prominent people like Dr CZ or those of politicians. Then he phones his victims telling them that they have been selected to receive farming inputs, so for the inputs to be delivered, all they need is to send say US$50 via the mobile money system to that number. When the victims send the money, the name of the prominent person will be confirmed as the recipient, and they will never suspect anything, until several weeks later when it would be too late. This way, a few hundred victims will leave their wallet fattened.
Now listen to this one:
Herbert bought a donkey from Bongani for US$100 and asked him to deliver it the next day. The next day Bongani showed up on Herbert's place. "Sorry Herbert," he said looking really sad, "the donkey died last night."
"Okay," said Herbert, "then just give me back my money."
"Sorry, I'd already spent it," Bongani pleaded.
"Damn it! Well, okay then, bring me the dead donkey!" said Herbert.
Later that day, the carcass of the donkey was offloaded at Herbert's house.
A fortnight later, Bongani bumped into Herbert and out of curiosity, asked him what he had done with the dead donkey.
"Oh, I raffled it," Herbert said. "I sold 251 tickets at US$5 each and made a clean profit of US$1 150! I just made sure I did not tell them the donkey was dead."
"But didn't the people complain?" asked Bongani in amazement.
"Well, only the chap who won," said Herbert, "so I gave him his US$5 back."
cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk
Source - CZ
All articles and letters published on Bulawayo24 have been independently written by members of Bulawayo24's community. The views of users published on Bulawayo24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Bulawayo24. Bulawayo24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
