Zanu-PF sons-in-law

My People, The recent death and funeral of former prime minister Dr Morgan Richard Tsvangirai was a big eye-opener and exposed that political differences were very superficial as Zimbabweans are not averse to marrying across political boundaries.

The biggest exponent of that philosophy was no less than the leader of the opposition Movement for Democratic Change, Tsvangirai, who was married to the daughter of a senior Zanu-PF official.

The intrigue was taken further when presidential spokesman George Charamba reportedly told the state-controlled media that he was related to the late Morgan Tsvangirai.

But he had more to tell.

He added that he was a father-in-law to the acting president of the Movement for Democratic Change, Advocate Honourable pastor Nelson Chamisa.
Actually as Dr Amai Stopit! I have always known from my network of informers that Joji was one of family fathers to "inspect" the prospective future son-in-law — Chamisa — when he was unveiled.

Who can forget those awkward moments when MDC chairman Lovemore Moyo tied the knot with the daughter of Zanu-PF senior official Sithembiso Nyoni?
Awkward moments indeed, but they helped to unite Zimbabweans.

Of course, young Chamisa will have to convince his supporters, some of them workers, that his role in the Zuva case in which thousands of workers subsequently lost their jobs was purely professional as a lawyer.

That is already being used as a weapon against him by his opponents.

Others point at real or imagined contracts with our loss-making dairy company, Gushungo Dairies.

As you know, we don't mention our suppliers in public. But if he wins the presidential elections, the $15 billion which he told people he had been promised by the Americans should be enough to restore the jobs lost as a result of the Zuva judgement.

A few have pointed out that while he happily came to the rescue of Oppah Muchinguri-Kashiri, who was being booed at the funeral in Buhera, it would have sent the right signals to defend Thokozani Khupe from the rowdy MDC youths.

After all, both women are beautiful and genuine yellow-bones!

Meanwhile, my friends in the diplomatic community tell me that if the young leader is defeated at the elections, the West is lining up a candidate that they are describing as "mature and a unifier' in the name of Wellington Chibhebhe, whose stock has been rising quietly on the international scene in Belgium and has now been re-assigned to the International Labour Organisation.

That would also pacify trade union hawks who now argue that the MDC, far from being the workers' party at its inception, has been captured by capitalists who fight for the rights of employers and not the workers.

Hamheno!

Doing what in DRC, Ngwena?

One of the questions that many Zimbabweans were asking themselves last week was why Lizard Ngwena and his advisors found it necessary to visit the Democratic Republic of Congo [DRC] to explain the Zimbabwean situation to Joseph Kabila.

Kabila has plunged his country into a civil war because for two years he has refused to stand down following the expiration of his term.

Now what do you explain to such a megalomaniac and what do you consult him on? How to defy the Constitution and refuse to leave office?

Others suggested maybe Kabila, like his father, had requested the intervention of "brotherly and friendly" forces from within the region and that the modalities of the deployments were being worked out.

However, others argued that the junta still had mining interests in that country which attracted the attention of the United Nations during the first DRC war intervention over unethical conduct.

What better opportunity to assess your investments than cooking up a trip to pay a visit to a dictator who is no longer a president.

It is such unhelpful decisions that are beginning to generate subjects to lampoon the administration of #kutongakwaro.

Could Oxiria remove that hideous scarf from around his neck, especially when it is hot?

The trending joke is: Chamisa has the people. Khupe has the constitution. ED has, well, a scarf.

Doing business with Belarus

It was good to see the General Colonel from Belarus signing some MoUs with industry minister Mike Bimha.

Is that the same country which sold us equipment to extract coal in Hwange, which equipment broke down after a few weeks?

Is that the same Belarus which stands accused of systematic electoral fraud, persecutes non-governmental organisations, independent journalists, minorities and political parties?

Condoleezza Rice described the country as one of the six outposts of tyranny, alongside Zimbabwe, Cuba, Iran, Burma and North Korea.
Munhuwese kuna Amai!

Jonso woyeee!

Zhuwao woyee!

Dr Amai Stopit! (Fake PhD)

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