Time to make tough decisions, Cdes

Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members

COMRADES, for a very long time I have warned most of you that I always have up-to-date information on what is always happening on the ground… that my boys always dutifully fill me in on whatever most of you would be up to. I have always been aware of the knavery that some of you were involved in, but I have largely either chosen to look the other side or warned you in passing - taking these to be minor indiscretions that we all get into - and some of you thought mine had been mere addled threats.

Now, as the situation appeared to be getting out of hand to the point where some of you were even plotting assassinations, this could not be allowed to continue . . . we had to act. You will agree with me that there are some characters in life that light a room by leaving it. It looked like these were getting too many in our party. You have also seen what has taken place in party structures throughout the country . . it is being done to cleanse the party of the new agents of the regime change agenda that have infiltrated the party.

It is quite clear that after failing to effect regime change in this country for the past decade and a half, our detractors in the West have decided to vitiate our forever ruling party from within. This, we have been aware has been happening for a long time, but we never thought our members could participate so actively to assist the enemy. We thought after some of these members had been exposed in the WikiLeaks they were going to stop it or at least scale down, but instead they decided to go several gears up. So what could we do? We had to show them the door. What else could we do?

I notice that there are those who are claiming that the due process of the law was not allowed to take its course in either suspending or dismissing some of these members . . . they say these people were not given the right to defend themselves, blah, blah! Well, there are some situations where decisions have to be made there and there, like in this case where there are audio recordings of some of the culprits having the chutzpah of openly boasting about how they planned to commit these treasonous acts.

We know where this talk of rights is coming from . . . from the same detractors who have been disappointed that their plot has been exposed. And they had hoped that as a consolation, these hearings could take place in the open so that they could use it as a quick deep stick into our party's secrets. Well, tell me Cdes, if a man finds a cobra in his bedroom, do they have to give it a chance to defend itself in order to please animal rights groups? Only a stupid man would do that!

Anyway, our party rules are so clear that every member knows them by heart . . . they should have known the consequences of their actions before they had even started toying with the treasonous idea in the first place. They only have themselves to blame now that their plots have been exposed. If anything, they should be grateful that the party still has the same wondrously magnanimous leadership that fought to spare lives during the days of the liberation war when graves were the safest jail for sell-outs. After some of them had been forgiven, dusted up and allowed back into the party fold, they chose to return to their old ways. Talk of recidivist sell-outs!

I know many of you have very close friends and sometimes even relatives who have been caught in this dragnet, and find yourselves in quite some invidious positions regarding this on-going clean-up exercise . . . I am also in the same situation. But from my long experience in the party, not any personal relationship supersedes that of a member to the party. It is the duty of every loyal member to defend the party and, in the process the country, at all cost. It is something we must do with that weary air of inevitability; we are damned if we do it, just as we are damned if we do not do it. Well, Cdes, the situation is still very much fluid . . . who knows, by the time we go to our congress, maybe some of you would also have been given the boot! Let us see how it goes!

Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME

…And Now CZ's Notebook

Big Brother!
As the factional feral fights in Zanu-PF rage on, in which members are reportedly being evicted faster than those in the on-going Big Brother Africa reality show, we were pleasantly surprised that they have since taken a predictable course. The whole circus has since started drifting towards the familiar direction of high treason . . . which to many Zimbos should be remindful of a colourful Israeli fellow called Ari Ben-Menashe from a lovely Canadian political consultancy firm Dickens & Madson.

Well, at the rate at which things are unfolding, Dr CZ, who was increasingly getting worried that his place at the National Heroes Acre might not be guaranteed, is rubbing his belly in gleeful anticipation. The more members of Zanu-PF are exposed as sell-outs and or downright criminals, the brighter becomes Dr CZ's chances of being guaranteed a place at the Eucharistic hillock! So Dr CZ cannot help but pray extra hard! As the elders say, unless the wind blows, you cannot see the mother hen's bottom. Sagely words indeed.

Daymares
Dr CZ got this nice picture of a handsome Rugare Gumbo. Also known as Baba Chipo from the results of his exploits during the war of liberation, the outgoing Zanu-PF spokesman, who was unceremoniously cashiered from the party last week on charges of plotting to assassinate its leader President Robert Mugabe, appears in this "action photo" to have thankfully drifted to happier places at a public gathering.

It should have been in one of these "daymares", the second in his rocky political career, where he saw himself sitting in the coveted chigaro chamambo after being duly sworn in as President, the Head of State and Government and Commander in Chief of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces. Dr CZ has since learnt an important lesson . . . that daydreaming is very dangerous because in the resulting "daymares", one ends up dreaming himself as God and the real God and the gods would certainly not like it!

While still on those prominent people who have since joined Dr CZ in dismissing themselves from Zanu-PF, one person that has the least - if any - of Dr CZ's sympathies is one Jabulani Sibanda . . . if anything, although it might sound unAfrican to rejoice at another's misfortunes, most Zimbos appear to be doing just what the fellow's name enjoins . . . uku-jabula . . . just being very happy!

This is the same Sibanda fellow who not so long ago claimed to have mobilised the One Million Man march in November 2007 in support of President Mugabe. Villagers in rural areas of Masvingo province will remember him with the same fondness most Jews remember Adolf Hitler!

Dr CZ also learnt something from Cde Jabulani Sibanda's downfall . . . that borrowed power, like dew, does not last forever. At least Cde Sibanda, Cde Jocelyn Mauchaza and Cde Jimmy Kunaka among others should hasten to start their own support group for mutual support as they have a lot in common. Being generous as ever, Dr CZ has a suggestion for a befitting name for this envisaged support group . . . how about Chisingaperi Chinoshura or Aive Madziva Ave Mazambuko or even Mombe Yekuronzerwa…? (Apologies for those of Dr CZ's loyal fans with linguistic challenges!). With this support group in place, we can all go to sleep assured that suicide rates do not spike in the days to come!

Seasonal
As the country wades through a season of Votes of No Confidence, it did not come as a surprise at all that owners of the Miss Zimbabwe "beauty" pageant have again dismissed a second queen, setting a new world record of having three queens taking the crown in four months. It was reported this week that Catherine Makaya, who took over after original winner, Thabiso Phiri, had been unceremoniously dethroned, had also been dethroned for alleged indiscipline! A third queen took over. Dr CZ is not at all surprised by this development, as he knows what goes on in that industry!

cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk