Mugabe's band of bootlickers

The world over, February might be the month of love but, in Zimbabwe, it is the month of bootlicking.

This is the time of the year when all manner of bootlickers emerge. They elbow each other out of the way - 'me first, me first!' - competing aggressively for the bootlicker's spotlight.

Appearing centre stage is Simon Khaya Moyo, throwing rose petals on the ground ahead of Mugabe's feet: 'This is the best evidence yet that his leadership is indeed the will of the Almighty God.' Oh stop it, Simple Simon. If Presidents were appointed by God, there would never have been Hitler or Ceausescu.

Enter stage left, Emmerson Mnangagwa; Mr Trained to Kill, former presidential henchman and now heir apparent; 'Africa and the downtrodden and dispossessed of the world look up to our own President for inspiration.' From somewhere in the auditorium, a voice asks, 'the President's wife recently dispossessed poor downtrodden families of their land in Mazowe just so she can keep lions and giraffes. Are these people also looking for inspiration from His Excellency?'

Enter stage right, the man known to the beleaguered citizens as Mega Mind, or, as his boss branded him, the 'devil incarnate.' Nobody has seen him donating food in his own home area of Matebeleland, where hunger is a perennial threat. But Lo and behold, he drives before him 20 mooing beasts, as a gift to the president. Eat! Eat! Eat! Never mind tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.