HASHTAG: '#BOBJukwaBack!'

This is very unfair, and unotoshaya kuti zvirikumbofamba sei? It now feels more like someone hacked into our Facebook accounts as Zimbabweans and started choosing "friends" for us on social media platforms by blocking others and clicking "unlike" on certain specific pages of ours which we were following. We are indeed missing the real BABA JUKWA like never before given the interesting times we are experiencing in the country right now. Eish, but some of the enemies on Facebook "disliked" his page on our behalf, without our consent, and forced him into hibernation. Hence, the need for this hashtag whose full meaning is: "#Bring Our Baba Jukwa Back!"

It's now obvious and clear ukuthi iqhude (that cock) le ZANU-PF is finally coming home to roost, but still we want our "Bob Haramed" Baba Jukwa to come back and tell us using that familiar language we had come to understand better. So far, some of us have not understood a thing as to what exactly is happening simply because it's not Baba Jukwa who is telling us. We have a right to know precisely, and l know some of the Zimbos also want to Thomasly believe that their prayers have indeed been answered finally!

Actually, the real Baba Jukwa would have made some of the fixtures being played by Gamatox Team vs Weevils-PF to be merely delayed matches for all of us as Zimbos. It is really not so cool that we now have to buy and read newspapers we never ever wanted to buy, or even google news website we never wanted to visit as they are actually our swear words yet we currently have little options but to read their 'pinch-salted' and biased stories. Anyway, some of us can bet with our lives this time it is indeed a zero-sum game as it will end up a nil-all scoreline. None from both teams will win as their well-known match-fixing (rigging and nikuving) tactics will disqualify both teams out of even relegation, and they will all be completely out of the 2018 Zimbabwe Democratic Elections Cup Final. This means Zimbabwe as a country will finally win its own deserved title and keep the democracy cup in the trophy "cabinet" in parliament or State House!

However, on a more personal note l am throwing my weight behind the hashtag: "#BOBJukwaBack" for a few reasons. First and foremost, l just want the real Baba Jukwa to come back and give us contact numbers of certain people that deserve a direct voice call. On top of my own list is Jabulani Sibanda. I need the cellphone numbers of JB because l want to ask him if it is really true that he is "no longer" a member of ZANU-PF until Jesus comes!? I still can't believe it you know! Further, I want to buy him a "shirt" for Christmas from eKhothama, but l want to know and have him confirm whether he thinks it must be "short or long sleeve?"

Secondly, l desperately need the personal contact numbers of the second-first lady after the late Sally Mugabe! I have a list of questions for her if not an exclusive interview session. Obviously, the first easy-but-difficult question is to ask if it is true and correct that we must now address her with the salutation title of "Dr". I still can't believe it you know, phela kudala kwakungenje uyazi umhlaba uyaphenduka, kwakufundwa umuntu aze aqede qediiii! Another question is to find out in which planet has she been living to come back now and finally "Meet the People" of this planet earth as found in Zimbabwe; only to tell us such stale and stinking news that certain named officials she has recently called all sorts of names are "incompetent and extremely corrupt". Its donkey years we have been saying and some reporting that the "corruption sewerage tank" has blocked, then burst and now overflowing throughout the whole country and beyond njalo iyanuka phuuuu!

The second-first lady also needs to confirm over a voice call when the registration opens for the 2015 academic year at Zvimba-State House University! It is now in my New Year's resolutions that before end of next year (2015) l should have upgraded my hard-earned Diploma into a Doctorate at ZSHU! So, be forewarned my friends that before end of next year l'll be charging a fine to those who don't prefix my name with "Dr" if not "Prof", you better start practising now! Also, l must confirm with her if it is true that the Chancellor of all State Universities is the only lecturer, supervisor, marker, and moderator as well as finally capping the Doctorate students on the graduation day at ZSHU!

There you have it, which is why the real Baba Jukwa must be back! Some of these headaches of getting desperately needed contact numbers at a time such as this could be long healed! Please Baba Jukwa "Meet the People" of Zimbabwe on your Facebook Rallies as l have no doubt you are also reading this article for yourself right now. Therefore, l repeat to say: #BOBJukwaBack!

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This article has been written by Fbr. Mthokozisi Ndiweni in his own personal capacity. He is also a full member of the Zimbabwe's Independent Democrats (or ZIM-ID) in good regular standing.He can be contacted on ndixam@gmail.com.