What women look for in a man

When women were asked what their top priorities were for choosing a long-term partner, that they said was very interesting and informative. The critical features of a successful relationship are very subjective and personal according to a clinical psychologist. But it does help to know what you want.

Maria aged 34 and married, said, "the man in my life must be confident. Someone who lacks self-esteem will probably feel threatened by me." Sophie, 24, and single, said that, "my man must have ambition and intelligence. Who doesn't get turned on by a sharp, incisive, intelligent mind?" Tendai, 32, was of the opinion that, "Her man must be successful and yet humble. I put these two together because a successful person who rubs your nose in it is a turn-off. Success implies financial security."

Sharon 22 and single said, "I need someone who is sexy and affectionate. I love hugs and kisses. Esther 35 and happily married said, "Respect is paramount. A man who treats his mother with respect will treat his wife and children with the same respect." On the other hand Tarisai said she can't deal with body odour. No stinky shoes, mouth, or anything. A man must smell good. While another woman chipped in and said that her man needs to be kind and patient. He needs to be ambitious and passionate about his work.

Ruth 27 and single was of the opinion that her partner "must respect me in order for me to respect him. I could feel safe enough to entrust my feelings to a person who holds me in high esteem." "My man must be reasonable and understanding," said Rudo 28. "I have experienced incredible successes and overcome many pains in my life. I won't settle for less than a partner who has a desire to learn and grow continually."

Sandy, married aged 37, chipped in and said, "A man must have emotional maturity. There are far too many people out there with emotional baggage. Unless you want to live a life of misery, don't pick one of those." According to Tracy, a man has to care about something bigger. He must have a cause, a dream, a fight or plan.  Fiona said that she could not be in a relationship without sexual fireworks. Fiona, aged 39 and married went on, "sexual attraction fades over time so it's a good idea to start from a high point."

Patience was more practical. "My man must be employed and solvent. I wanted to stay and see my children grow up. I settled down with a guy with good earning potential and work ethic." One woman said that her man should have a desire to improve his life and what he is and must be adventurous and have experience in life; otherwise she will not be interested. Agness could not bear a man for a long relationship, "who does not inspire me to be best I can be. He must be stimulating in conversations and very sexy. A man who does not know how to express his feelings is just a fool."

Lindiwe offered, "I sometimes need space so that I can keep in touch with my feelings. If my partner tries to crowd me or doesn't understand my need for solitude, the deal is off." A few men contributed their views and feelings of what they want in a woman. Jonathan 31 and engaged said, "My partner has to be open and honest, and not hold anything back. I need to be able to trust her no matter what, even if she thinks I'm not going to like what she has to say. Experience has taught me that transparency is the key to a long term relationship."

Peter felt that the person he is with must be respectful of his life, especially of the people he holds dear like his family. "Obviously there are times to disagree but respect for each other's opinions is vital."

Psychologists say that you can't have a mature and long term relationship without respect. "The values and your world view need to coincide to make a relationship work. This includes, religion, or spirituality, children and how to raise them, money and how to manage it, and life style choices such as where to live and how to live."