HELP, I'm in love with my sister's ex

Thank you Mai Chisamba. I have a big problem and you are my last hope. I am so confused I don't know what to do.

I am madly in love with my sister's ex-boyfriend and if all goes according to our plans, he wants to go and pay lobola this year in December, anytime before Christmas.

The problem is everyone including my father is saying no to our relationship. They are all saying that it won't be fair to my sister.

Nyaya iripo ndeyekuti vakarambana vega ndisiri mukati mazvo, takazodanana after the break-up. Of course, this guy used to come home for my sister and before their break-up vanga vasvitsana kwana tete, but my sister falsely accused him of cheating on her. Mai Chisamba, he is a good guy, very understanding, loving and caring and would never cheat. It's not like I snatched him from my sister, please understand vemhuri vari kungopaparika vachiti hazviite without giving me a chance to explain.

I no longer see eye-to-eye with my sister, my question is chii chiri kumunetsa pamunhu waanga asiyana naye? Ukarasa chinhu kubin munhu akanonga hake akachigadziridza iye akamborasa anotevera here kunobvunza? I want you to look at this issue without favour but I am not ashamed to say I am in love, this is my man, my life, my future, my husband-to-be, my everything. I hope you will pick my letter because I'm desperate for an answer. Tirikudanana zvinopisa, I feel it's true love.

Response
Thank you for following our column, yes I picked your letter because my sixth sense tells me that we need to iron this out immediately. Let's go through your letter phase by phase.

You say you are so confused, I will confess and say I am equally confused because I don't understand why you are fussing about your sister's ex-boyfriend. In our culture, family plays a pivotal role that's why we say mhuri yakura when someone gets married.

My question is sei iwe uri kuda kutanga nekuita shut out the whole family, you need their blessing. How do you know for sure that your sister falsely accused this guy when you were not part and parcel of their relationship? Example yako yechinhu charaswa kubin haikwane apa, chinhu chikaraswa hachitaure zvakare hachikonzerese, that's the difference, munhu munhu.

In my opinion this guy has no respect for your family at all. Zvinoreva here kuti anoda kunosumiswa rwepiri kuna tete vamwe chetevo, this time around with the younger sister, chirudziiko ichocho? Remember even if you marry this guy you describe as the love of your life you will still need your sister and family. Ko unoperekedzwa nani? Ungadewo here kuti mukoma wako ave kunze kwehupenyu hwako nehurongwa hwewanano yako? For interest's sake, what kind of relationship will be between this guy and your sister?

Shamwari, dzikisa pfungwa, usaputirwe nerudo.

In all fairness I think you should listen to your family and maybe to me. I boldly say leave this guy alone unozozvidemba, dai ndakaziva haitungamire. This will hurt you for a while but you will surely get over it, there is plenty of love in the air.

Chokwadi hachiputse hukama. I will wait to hear from you.

Expensive competition destroying my marriage
Mai Chisamba thank you for your column. I am a 37-year-old man, married with two children. I love my wife with all my heart but she has no spine she cannot make decisions of her own anofuririka nhando. Her priorities are upside down, izvozvo zvakuita kuti tiburane. I am a man of very few words nekuti ndine hasha, ndine chiwoko chegudo, ndinorova asi mai vekwangu havanzwe.

I know competition is good but it should never overstretch you. I will be open with you ka lifestyle kedu hakasi kezera redu. We live in a very beautiful house but we are renting. We pay through the nose and now we are feeling the pinch. I suggested kuti tiende ku high-density toronga mari dzedu tozotenga yeduwo imba. She looked at me scornfully and said ghetto mentality inokunetsa.

Takuvara nezvikwereti, zvimwe zviri very unnecessary. Vanoita competition kubasa kwavo about everything. Tinosvikepi tichiita hupenyu hwekuvavarira kuti tionekwe? I want to be true to myself and sleep peacefully. I am prepared to go back to the drawing board and start afresh. Kuita drive mota yechikwereti, kurarama nechikwereti kubank, kuchena nekudya zvechikwereti, no I give up, handichada. Ndomuudza sei kuti tinzwanane nhai Mai Chisamba?

Response
Thank you for reading our column and thank you for acknowledging your love for your wife, this is good. Mazuva ano kungopinda munyaya chete tisina kumbonzwa zverudo. Yes in life we need to give priority to bread and butter issues. First in your case it really doesn't make sense to rent an expensive house yet you are struggling. Why don't you look for reasonable and descent accommodation mochengetedza mari muchideredza zvikwereti?

Don't be forced to live above your means, competition is only good when it's healthy. Garai pasi sababa namai muonesane kuti life is what you make it, life is about you not about them. Ko iwe zvawave kutoda kudada nekurova mukadzi sekunge kurima, zvinorevei? It's a punishable offence, it's criminal to be abusive to your wife.

You need to communicate with each other, you need to operate at the same wave length to avoid marital problems.

Hupenyu hausi hwekuonererwa ndehwekurarama murufaro nemune zvinokukodzerai. Forget about artificial lifestyles, mharai and plan accordingly.

Don't give up, stick to the fight until you win. Mukabvuma kuti maomerwa zvinokubatsirai mukugadzirisa. Live within your means. If you can't solve this problem between the two of you then get help from a professional counsellor. Good luck.