Not fazed by Morgan's delusions, Cdes

CABINET FILES AND CZ's NOTEBOOK
Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members

COMRADES, it looks like this Morgan fellow, after fooling himself into thinking that if he threatens to boycott elections we would lose sleep - but later realising that we do not care a hoot - has decided to resort to his now trademark brinkmanship. We can only hope that this time around that team of bush and Internet lawyers that he keeps for advisors will not let him wander towards the sure danger running afoul of the law as he tries to make people think he is as important as he daydreams to be. Any dimwit that can read Morgan's hallucinatory statements at the weekend can rightly conclude that there is something sinister that he and his handlers are plotting against the constitutional government of Zimbabwe.

Read this: "Zanu-PF will never believe in the vote of Zimbabweans to elect a leadership of their choice. They will not give us a chance. We have tried removing Mugabe from power through the ballot but it has failed because conditions for a free and fair poll are not there…

"We are boycotting all elections until reforms are implemented. But our next position after the election boycott is serious… We cannot wait until 2018. This year is the people's year. We shall act to liberate ourselves so that Mugabe listens to the voice of reason…

"I am prepared to give the last breath of my life to liberate ourselves. If the worse comes to the worst, we will free ourselves. We have no violence; we will not liberate ourselves through force or the bullet, but victory is certain."

Well, it does not take a lawyer like myself to tell that this ingenious waffle clearly borders on treason.

But we will not take any action against him - and in the process make the mistake of lending him the oxygen of publicity - because we take his threats exactly for what they are - addled!

If there is anything that Morgan has done so successfully in his long but barren political career, it is destroying himself through thoughtless talk.

His vainglorious statements have cost him the vestiges of the little credibility that he might have had before people got to know him better over the years. How many of you remember these fire-eating statements to journalists as he tried to mobilise our people into a mass action in September 2000 just shortly after losing his first election:

"We cannot afford Mugabe for one day longer, let alone until 2002. The objective of our action is very clear. It is to say to Mugabe, 'You have become a national liability, this country is suffering because of your recklessness. We are not going to sit by and watch Zimbabwe go down the drain. We are going to take action to get rid of you…

'It's (mass-action) going to be massive, it's going to be countrywide and, for the first time, it's going to be in the rural areas (as well). This is the moment. If we miss this historic opportunity, we would betray the people. Mugabe must go by Christmas. This time there is no compromise, no going back. It's either him or us'."

Besides making this threat a record 16 times, nothing materialised of Morgan's threatened mass actions.

Nearly 15 years later - despite this "him or us" threat - still nothing has happened. What has happened instead is that Morgan and his minions have lost countless elections and now they are so embarrassed that they have decided to save themselves from further shame by boycotting elections that they are sure to lose. Yet Mugabe still has to go by Christmas! Ha ha ha-ah!

Anyway, Morgan is not the only foolish puppet of the British. There are just too many in this world.

How many still remember that Ugandan-born British "priest", "Reverand" John Sentamu, who some years ago committed a abomination - while in front of BBC cameras - ripped off his clerical collar and cut it to pieces while swearing that "as far as I'm concerned from now on I'm not going to wear a dog collar until Mugabe is gone!"

Well, several years down the line we are still counting because God is not a puppet of the British!

Anyway, let me get myself busy with the Extraordinary SADC Summit that I am ably hosting. I see there are many of our detractors who are trying to embarrass themselves during this event.

Kindest Regards

Yours Sincerely
ME

…. AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK

Reality check
These xenophobic attacks taking place in South Africa are very bad. And tempers appear to be threatening to go through the ceiling. Which makes an already bad situation worse. Very, very sad. But it is understandable among human beings. That is why all those silly wars have taken place since the beginning of time. Very few people would want to be accused of anything, just as they would not want to take responsibility even for things they have done in broad daylight.

That explains the notion of countries, tribes, religion and the whole caboodle human beings have since time immemorial tried to make good use to separate themselves from one another. It is simply because we cannot all live together in amity. We have had to create little paddocks where we feel we are safe from those that we believe are different from (and therefore a grave danger) to us.

As a result Dr CZ risks losing a fan or two by agreeing with those who have been asking difficult, but necessary questions similar to those asked by the now-miffed South African President Jacob Zuma this week… questions that many would rather choose to get angry at instead of simply answering with straight faces.

Zuma rightly asked us not to deny realities obtaining on the ground, but to approach the problem of xenophobia holistically, instead of just tinkering with the symptoms.

Dr CZ will present the other side of the same discomforting question thus: Why are leaders of these other African states not making their countries attractive enough for their citizens to stay? Isn't this part of their constitutional duties?

If what was reported by the State-controlled media is true… that diamonds worth hundreds of millions were looted by a cartel of international criminals with the help of some locals, then it should not come as a surprise that we are failures.

The political climate does not make things any better - where people like Itai Dzamara can just vanish from the  face of the earth without trace that says it all.

Budiriro legislator (MDC-T's) Costa Machingauta and several other opposition party members were hospitalised with shocking injuries while in Hurungwe where Temba Mliswa is in the process of offending the sun, scores of villagers are also nursing injuries while two headmen reportedly went missing but mysteriously reappeared with harrowing tales to tell. Officially nothing about this is true!

Wow!
At the weekend, Miss Zimbabwe Trust held the finals of its beauty pageant which produced a line-up of the women whom we are told sincerely believe not just in beauty, but also that they are the ones with the monopoly of this rare form of "blessing"

Well, Dr CZ is a very busy person to waste his time worrying about abstractive and subjective matters… matters some of which no one has personal control over.

Dr CZ read it somewhere that if a child smokes a cigar for the first time; or a "rich" man enters a brothel to "give back to the community"; or when someone puts an otherwise useless piece of garment called a tie around his neck… all these people will behave exactly the way they would have long primed their minds to believe… that they are important, that they are enjoying themselves or simply that they are unique in their own unique way. We are made to believe the same is true with self-styled beauty enthusiasts. Well, who is Dr CZ to sermonise his fans on a topic he is not interested in as soccer, a barren subject that seemingly normal adults - who also call themselves fans - invest hours and hours in and still return to their hungry families not just empty handed, but sometimes dangerously suicidal as well?

May Dr CZ remind his loyal fans that he is still the only Zimbo who is an ISO-certified patriot? That qualifies Dr CZ to make a patriotic suggestion: that in future all judges for this "prestigious" Miss Zimbabwe thing should be married (wo)men and these should make their spouses publicly known first so that Zimbabweans - whose collective name become part of someone's title for a whole long year (and their former title for many years even after they a long dead)-can judge for themselves the skills of the people who would be having the privilege to choose these purportedly crème de la crème of beauty. Anyone who wishes good for this country should certainly find nothing unfair about this criterion of choosing judges for Miss Zimbabwe. It should not be like in politics (and we are told some churches as well!) where every position and or benefit one gets depends on who you are, who you know - if not both - not by what you know or what you can do.

As things are right now be kind as not to ask Dr CZ how the spouses of those females on the judging panel feel when their own husbands agree that certain ladies are the most beautiful.

Meanwhile, the chairperson of the Miss Zimbabwe Trust Cde Mary Chiwenga announced that during their tenure as the reigning Miss Zimbabwe squad it shall be a dismissible offence if the winners (whoever they are!) are to have sex.

Well, as far as Dr CZ knows, sex is not something that happens in soccer stadiums to insulate the loyal fans from the searing heat of boredom before or in-between matches, but somewhere in the most secret of places between two consenting adults some of whom will be more than ready to make these juicy acts part of the wide portfolio of secrets they swear they will take with them into their graves.

So we wonder how the organisers of the beauty pageant will keep them faithful to themselves, in a world where even pastors are straying in the canal direction in frighteningly increasing numbers.

Despite trying to assume to the status of the legendary Dr-Know-It-All, on this one Dr CZ does not know (yet)… whether the contestant for the Miss Zimbabwe title were subjected to virginity tests, but what Yours Truly can swear by Jesus' own name is that so far there is no invention to measure how much a sex (wo)man has enjoyed or endured within a certain period. It's just one's word against the world! You can quote Dr CZ on this one.

cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk